Why is it so hard

I guess I have to twist this to look at the upside. I feel under attack. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I don't like being at work, I don't like a whole bunch of things. I want to be short and sharp with those around me. I feel angry. Maybe this means I'm growing and changing like God wants me too. But why is keeping that kingdom focus so hard? I tried praying for the people who's forms I was processing to keep from thinking negative thoughts about them....this has potential. But I haven't hit a hole in one for sure. I think I've come to realize I think I can lift something up once and it should be done. And really that's not how it works....not all the time at least. Persistence. UGH. But it's part of the journey....maybe somedays the hardest part. Well at least for today it's my hardest part.